Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
