he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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