can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have already put on my inside pants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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