He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
