In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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