Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
