Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
