I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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