Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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