when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
