Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
