As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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