please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
