i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
