She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
