He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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