Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
