i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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