My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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