OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
