I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
