OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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