Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
