Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
as a side note pls kill me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize