Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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