yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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