I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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