he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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