She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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