Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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