i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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