I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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