You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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