i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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