apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
