my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
