you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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