It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
