just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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