I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
