we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
