Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
