Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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