you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
