i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
