Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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