Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
