glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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