i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
