My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
