So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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