Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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