is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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