I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Found your dick twin last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
