Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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