Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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