I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
