when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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