Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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