I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
