I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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