Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The air taste purple.
Randomize
