he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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