AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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