I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
