im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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