Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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