i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
