so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
