I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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