Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
