come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
