so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
