i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
