i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
