girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
