Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
