She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm always down for nudity.
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