.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
